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Four Clothing Items That Can Outsell Nordstrom’s Muddy Jeans

Last week, Nordstrom began selling an unprecedented product line. It was the introduction of the one and only ‘Muddy Jeans.’ Guess what, Nordstrom, to that we say, “Challenge accepted.”

Nordstrom’s ‘muddy jeans’ were listed at the ever-so-marketable price of $425. If you’re wondering what they are, they’re exactly what they sound like. They are jeans that have been caked in artificial mud to give that rugged, hard-working/”I’ve been slipping and falling in mud all day” look that everyone has pined over. Here’s a picture.

As Nordstrom has upped the ante on this one, or so they thought, here are a few items we think can compete in that market.


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The Bar Fight Shirt



Want your friends to think you’re tough? Show up to your next function with the Bar Fight Shirt. An elegant long-sleeved top that’s stained with what looks like your blood and possibly someone else’s…or at least that’s the vibe you’re selling. Speaking of selling, you can purchase this at a retail price of $227. No one will want to mess with you after you show up in this.


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The Pine Tar Helmet



Your summer softball team will give you the 110% Award just for showing up wearing this. Sure, your athletic ability is lacking, but the amount of pine tar on your helmet suggests that all-out-effort mentality that even Rudy Ruettiger (known from the movie “Rudy”) would be intimidated by. This rugged helmet sells for just $186.


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The Sweaty Headband



Come into a work meeting wearing this and you’ll be the envy of all your co-workers who just can’t find that time to hit the gym. Your sweat-filled headband will show everyone you’re willing to go the extra mile. And the smell coming from your brow will alienate those co-workers you’ve been trying to avoid all week.

This sells for a retail price of just $57. Purchase one this week and we’ll be sure to throw in a used hand towel to wipe up those puddles of perspiration you’ll leave on the table in the conference room.


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The Mudslide Shoes



For that look you want to achieve that says you just walked through a rain-soaked muddy trench to get to your destination. To the naked eye, this pair of shoes whispers the word, “resilient.” They’re the only shoes that will have your friends asking, “Were you just involved in a mudslide?” You and your feet are the only ones that know the actual truth.

These filthy looking shoes sell at a retail of just $291.


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